There are some really obvious contrast between West Michigan and Ethiopia. They are black, we are white. They are poor, we are rich, it is FREEZING here and 75 and sunny there. But beyond that. I see it when I look back at my photos. I see the dirt, I see the squalor, I see the bare feet, the goats, sheep and cows. I see the rubble on the roads. I have experienced no hot water and electricity. But what is important is not what you see (although I do think it is beautiful) it is what you feel. How can I explain the feeling when a stranger walks into a room with a heart so big and eyes so sincere all you can do is hug her? Or the feeling of worshiping with people in a cement floor, dirt parking lot Church as they drop to their knees, throw their arms in the air and let the tears flow from their eyes. Or the feeling of a
child learning to trust you and slowly, but surely, hugging you tight around your neck. How can you explain the feeling that happens in your heart knowing that boy's parents have died and knowing he may never have a family because of HIV. How can I explain how happy a group of kids can be that they get to have lunch together every Saturday because of an organization that wants them to thrive. Do you know what if
feels like to meet a child in thread bare clothing who is happy because he gets to live with his grandmother instead of an orphanage? He has NOTHING, his parents have DIED, but he is happy, because he has a grandmother. And she is happy because she has him. And they have an American sponsor to keep them together. It doesn't even matter that they are Muslims. What matters is that they are family, they are together, and they are blessed. 
How can I explain what it is like to walk in a city of black people with no sterotypes and no discrimination? Or to see Muslims talking to Orthadox Christians and no one is worried about who is right and who is wrong. And no one is worried about who is going to bomb something or steal something or hurt someone. That you hire a guard not to protect, but it is a job you can give someone. So many people have NOTHING. But what they have is respect. For each other, for each other's things. Did you get that? They have NOTHING, but they respect each other.
How can I explain what it is like to be a rich white person, on a bus, with a camera, watching my African colleagues stand outside and hand fruit to children who are dirty, naked and hungry. I can not get out of the bus because they might "mob" me and it is easier for the 
black people to do it. So I just take pictures of these children, these hungry, dirty, naked children, who live in a one room dirt hut, who we have to teach how to peel a banana because they have never eaten one before. How does it feel when I look back and realize their smile is bigger than mine. 
How can I explain how it feels to love so deeply people I have just met. To hold their hands and kiss their cheek and wonder if I will ever see them again. Or how it feels to wait for a letter from someone because they do not have a computer or Internet, or even a library to go to in order to borrow Internet. But also to know that that letter is being written, and will arrive. On African time. How can I explain how it feels to sit in my carpeted 1500 square foot home in America. This is a small home here. How can I explain to my African friends that we have a bathroom we do not use since we have so many choices. Or that I am going to
buy a new matress cause the kids climb in bed with us and a king would be better so we have more room on the occasional night we have a 5 year old snuggled beside us. How can I explain how it feels to throw away food because it is to much of a hassle to find matching Tupperware to store it. How can I explain how it feels to stand stiff in Church, mumbling words to songs and watching the clock to see if we will be out "on time" today. 
I am starting to wonder, Can an American have the true smile of an African? Can an American truly give, when they always have something else to replace it with? Can an American express their true feelings of love and friendship if we can not hug, kiss and hold hands? I am glad I get a house with carpet and bathrooms and green grass. I am glad I get to take vacations to Disney World and Lake Michigan and Colorado. I am glad I have a car to drive to work and my children go to school and will go to college and most likely grad school. I am glad I get to type on my lap top while the kids play games on the desk top. I am glad I can afford to run on a treadmill and not embarrass myself by running outside. But what I can not understand is that I know I am blessed, you, faithful readers, know you are blessed, I don't have to tell any of you this. But why then are we so distant? Why is it so hard to be who we are? Why are we living to other people's standards? Why are we afraid to show who we really are? Why are we worried about our retirement, and investments and real estate and bank accounts and gas mileage? Why are we not worried about the boy who learned to
hug me, that is alone? Why are we not worried about the girl who might have to move to an orphanage because her grandmother does not have money to care for her? Why are we not worried about the woman, with a baby tied to her back who searched my eyes begging for anything I could give, but all I could find in my purse to give her was 10 birr...less than $1. 
Why are we worried about being on the right Church committee and having the latest spring fashion and making sure the grass around the mailbox is trimmed to match the grass we have already mowed twice this week. I write these things because they are my struggles, maybe not yours, maybe you have your own. 
I really hope I never "get over" Ethiopia. I hope it makes my cry often. I hope I do not loose these feelings. I hope I can be a woman who smiles when I walk in a room and that my eyes bring peace to all around me. I hope I can be the woman who drops to my knees in church or who kisses my friend on the cheek. I hope...I hope I always hope...
7 comments:
What a beautiful heart-felt post. I remember feeling completely changed after returning home from China. I wanted that feeling to last forever. It's been nearly two years since our trip and we're distancing ourselves from those feelings and that stark reality. Thanks for the reminder and the amazing photos.
Wow - thanks sarah
thanks for sharing your heart. It is comforting to know someone is struggling with the same things. I can't seem to let go too. It is hard to live the 'normal American' life after you have experienced Ethiopia.
I am glad that your trip to Ethiopia has affected you in a profound way. When you talk about the happy children who have nothing, it makes me ache for the many American children who seem to have so much, but are unhappy because they lack the love and attention that our busy lifestyles prevent us from giving them. It also makes me think of how much we have, and yet it never seems to be enough. I hope that it opens our eyes to work on relationships in our lives instead of being distracted by less important things. The thing to do now, for you and all of us, is to take what you learned in Ethiopia and apply it here with family, friends and colleagues. Mom
I am sooo there with you sister! Why, why, why?....I get soo incredibly frustrated with people who don't see what you have written & who don't see the big picture. It absolutely breaks my heart that kids are not loved by a mom & dad & family...that people here...even our friends literally say NO! If it breaks my heart, it breaks my Lord's heart even that much more....I'm hoping to do as much as I can in the time I am given! Adoption is a blessing beyond description! Every time I'm loving my little guys I'm loving my Lord......"for as much as you do for the least of these, you do to me".....thanks for a place to vent!
Sarah, you have put this so perfectly. This is exactly how I felt while being in Russia and coming back here. If only more people could truly understand this.
So well put!
Thank you, Sarah. You have such a gift in being able to articulate your honest feelings and in bearing your heart. May God help us to stay strong and never go back to lives of apathy and discontentment - never go back to the same lives we lived before - after getting to know all the beautiful people in the world who have so little, yet teach us so much. I will hope with you, my friend. And I will work alongside you to try to make a difference. And I will kiss your cheek next time I see you :).
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