frustrated

When I started this blog, I pledged honesty and I have stuck to that. I think that when we, as people, can be truly honest about our fears, joys and passions we stop being so afraid of being normal, cause we realize nobody really is. Now I have been very honest in my blog, using humor often, sharing a few of my passions and sharing my observations on life, but I have not really processed some of my "weaker" moments. Tonight I had one.

Like everyone I really want to succeed at everything I try. And like everyone, I really want it to come easy for me. Now of course there are many things in life that do not come easy. Algebra being my first major struggle. I remember getting so mad I threw my math book across the dining room. I also remember getting a 20% on a test, studying every single night with my patient mother for a month and getting a 50% on the next test (here is some math for you, 30% improvement was still failure!) So I did end up squeaking by in that class (obviously since I ended up in college and with a master's degree), but boy was it a battle.

Now school was very hard, but you still have to pass so I did what I could to get by with occasional fits of anger (flash cards ripped to pieces, books slammed shut, papers crumpled and thrown in the trash...) There were other areas in life that were not so necessary to succeed in so that is where I would just give up. Sports for example, I was rotten, but instead of trying, I just quit, piano lessons, too much work, quit. Cooking, cleaning, stain removal. I would rather, go out, use paper and buy new clothes more often...

So my latest struggle (no laughing, I am trying to be honest here....) is the Wii. That darn game is killing me! I sit on the couch and watch my 6 year old get a turkey in bowling, my husband hit 10 homeruns out of the park and then I try to play one entry level game of tennis and I get humiliated by fake cartoon people. So I throw my remote on the couch, storm upstairs and decide I better process the whole situation with my faithful readers. And I suppose in the spirit of honesty I should admit I said some bad words.

But, silly as this whole entry is, I feel better, I have a cup of tea, I have taken some deep breaths and I my stress level has dropped considerably. (Not enough to go back to that darn game, but enough to focus on a book for a while).

I think I have shared this quote before, but it is one of my favorites from my Indigo Girls Live CD: "You have to laugh at yourself, cause you'd cry your eyes out if you didn't"