The Plan

I am not a planner, not an organizer, not at all interested in the details. I figured this was an act of rebellion from my well planned, well organized childhood. Recently though, I have started to think there is more going on than simple rebellion. It started last night when my hubby was trying to plan a picnic for the fam. on our first day of vacation. He first thought PB and J, then moved on to heating up soup on a hiking stove, then to crackers and cheese. I am starting to feel dizzy, the dread starts creeping up my neck and into my brain. It moves forward to the front of my forehead and I think brain might explode out of my head. I am instantly crabby and refuse to think about this lunch. I know what your thinking, faithful readers, "what the heck is the matter with this woman!" This physical and emotional aversion I have to meal planning is really a problem. So I began to think what can I plan and what turns me into a basket case... Here goes:

-I can plan a grocery list, but not plan meals for the week
-I can make a to do list at work, but not at home
-I can plan a vacation, but not a day by day hour by hour schedule
-I need a map, turn by turn directions and landmarks to drive anywhere, but I never pay attention when someone else is driving.
-I would much rather have a spontanious Friday evening at 4:00 than have it all worked out on Monday cause there are too many what if's during the week.
-Some where, deep dark in the back of my head, I know what my responsibilites are, but I am very good at tucking them away to forget them.
-The only time I can consistenly plan and follow through with out any trouble is at work.

So, there is a little peek into my unique (crazy) noggin. I welcome any advise, faithful readers, (and I know a lot of you are therapist so bring it on).

"The best things in life are unexpected, because we have no expectations"

I think, as I write this quote to finish up tonight, that planning is really about expectations. Expecting too much and being disappointed. Expecting to fail and not wanting to feel like a failure. Expecting no trouble and encountering road blocks. Expecting perfection and getting mediocrity... You get the drift. Maybe I can plan at work, cause I am good at work... Maybe I get anxious about planning at home cause I am not so good at that...Maybe I just really do not want a picnic with PB&J cause I don't like it and blew this whole thing out of proportion.