Underwear

The children at the orphanage today had no underwear. Of all the things I saw there, of all the faces I touched, this I remember first. They have no underwear. I think this is a symbol of disparity. I have heard so much about this place and how dirty it is and how few resources they have that I was almost pleasantly surprised. It was not as bad as I imagined, but the children had no underwear. As we drove in, I was met with the familiar sight of colorful, little clothes hanging on clothes lines. Also the greenery and flowers that grew on the walls of the yard was very uplifting. The smell of spices and food cooking reminded me that it was past my lunch time. Little shoes lines up by a wall, Picnic tables lined up for lunch, and always, a little face peering out a window. We were allowed to walk around. This is always hard for me, a rich American, waltzing through an orphanage. It is like a cliché American thing to do, I think. But this is my work, this is important for my job every day to know where the kids lived, to know where they are living. To understand their culture, care and story. The first group of kids we saw were playing in a big circle with Lincoln logs. They were playing happily with their nanny’s who were sitting on the floor with them. Of course, when 2 white people walk into the room they are disrupted. They smiled and began bringing me logs to build with. I started building something and they could not bring me the logs fast enough. They all wanted to be a part of it. I could not keep up. So I though I would distract them with juggling logs. They though this was WONDERFUL, but it made them think they could do this. Picture 15 three year olds throwing Lincoln Logs into the air. So another distraction was needed. Jill began playing a game with them where they would run up to her, she would “get them” before they could run away. What amazing squeals of joy! Somehow I ended up with four little girls on my lap clinging for life. I could not feel my legs and knew it was time to go. They kept wanting me to touch their faces. I finally stood and they begged to be picked up. So I picked up each one, hugged them, kissed them and blessed them. Out of the corner of my eye I noticed 2 children that just sat the entire time, no eye contact, no interest in playing. I think, to protect my heart, I had to focus on the happy children.
We finally said “Chow” and blew kisses over and over and were able to move to the next room. Since the older children were in school we only saw the infant room. There were about 14 babies in this room, most of them too young to sit. All but two were laying in their cribs, most sleeping. Two children struck me. The first was a little baby who had amazing eye contact. He (she?) followed me all over the room. When I smiled he/she responded with a smile. When I made an “O” with my mouth he/she did the same. It was such good attunement! The other baby was so clearly a premie. He was one week old and you could instantly tell he was very sick. He had sunken cheeks and tiny, tiny limbs. He has already been to the hospital because of a cough. Talking with Emani (Bethany staff) we do not think he will survive.

We then went to the home for children who are HIV positive and other infectious diseases. This home was very simple, but also very homey. Most of the children were at school, but a few little babies were crawling around playing happily. It was nap time so we were able to peak in the two bedrooms and exchanged smiles with a few of the kids who were still awake. Oh how badly these children need more! They need families. I get so angry at this HIV stigma we have. This ignorance. There are children, they have a chronic illness. Their blood is sick. This is all. I know it sounds oversimplified. I know I am idealistic, but if we leave them with out families, if we keep them “shunned” in separate homes, if we do not tell them their status because we are afraid, if we do not advocate for them to be adopted, what are they going to think of themselves????? These children are WORTHY! They are DESERVING! How can we sit back and allow this stigma to continue? My dear friend Brooke posted the following quote on her blog and I find it fitting here:

“Sometimes I want to ask God why he allowed so much pain and suffering in the world and then I become afraid that he will ask me”